Sliced Granny Smith Apple + One Teaspoon Cinnamon = Gross.

And so it begins...

Pounds lost: 0/62

Notice my new weight tracker! My goal is to make that armadillo very, very happy. Like, yellow happy.

So I suppose I should post some "before" photos. Here you go:

Oh man. I have those crazy underarm fat pockets. Good thing I'm doing this.

So I started the cleanse today, as promised. Here's how I feel about it so far:

• Breakfast is enjoyable. I thought I would miss salt on my eggs, and I do, but it's not as bad as I thought with the basil.

• Drinking tea is fun. I feel like an accomplished adult when I drink tea by myself in my kitchen. Totally one of those "I'm pretending to be someone else, and it's sort of fun" moments, like the first time you went to the grocery store in college and suddenly realized that you were buying food for just yourself and no one else.

• Apples? Delicious. A teaspoon of cinnamon on/near those apples? Gross. Try eating cinnamon by dipping your apple slices in it, and you will want to commit diet suicide. I have an idea that will hopefully get me past this tomorrow. There's a reason why cinnamon challenges exist on youtube, and that it's funny to watch them. Watch these.

• I'm enjoying the lemon water. It's like lemonade with no sweetener, which is like another cinnamon challenge, except it's actually doable and sort of fun.

• I decided not to do the salmon. I was too scared. My husband Ryan will eat anything on the planet except for salmon, so I wussed out and bought albacore tuna steaks instead. I never ever cook fish, so I had to figure out how to make it so that I could actually eat it. I decided to consult the master of all things home-economist: Lady Martha Stewart (I know she's not really a Lady, I just like how that sounds). Adjusting one of her recipes a bit, I seared the tuna steak over medium-high heat in one teaspoon of olive oil for 5 minutes. While this was happening, I coated the top of the steak with 2 teaspoons of oregano. I then flipped it and cooked it for another 2 minutes. It was freakin' delicious. Good show, Jacqui. :)

• Trader Joe's makes this Orange Champagne vinegar that I used to dress my spinach. AMAZING delicious. Get some right now.

• Pecans were tasty as expected.

• Steamed artichokes are slimy and weird. I've only ever had them in delicious and fattening dips that usually involve cheese, so I didn't know about how weird they really are until today. I choked them down and serenely sipped my second cup of green tea, pretending I was a super skinny yogi or something.

• Did some interval running/walking on the treadmill at the gym for 45 minutes.

I got up late today, so I haven't eaten dinner yet. I'll let you know how it goes.

Questions? Concerns? Advice? Hit me up in the comments, yo.